Stephen Swartz is The Devil

Okay, I know - we all love Wicked -- such a lyrical adaptation of the novel, what songs, what energy, what a fabulous main character (but I think maybe Swartz is getting too much credit for that; after all, L. Frank Baum originally conceived of The Green Witch and The Good Witch, and Swartz simply adapted for the stage another author's vision of them in pubescence.) But I'm not talking about Wicked, which is relatively simple music-wise. No, I'm talking about that other uber-famous Swartz creation, Children of Eden - that snappy, pop-y retelling of Genesis. Which sounds divine on CD, really - I've been listening to it now for several weeks on my various
treks to and from graduate school at night, getting a feel for it. And let me tell you, you can really get a feel for it, even if you don't happen to be a seriously religious person. (I have a lot of faith - one must, when one is as accident-prone and given to living a bizarre existence as I am, somebody is clearly watching out for me.) But the whole church thing- I've tried, honestly I have, but I just can't seem to do it. Still, this CD is wonderful listening. I cry every time Adam hits the high notes in "A World Without You" (which I imagine is highly entertaining for folks sharing the road with me) and
I can't help but jam it out to "Wasteland" which sounds like a boiled-down version of every eighties song I can name off of the top of my head.

But getting around to singing it - well, suddenly you realize that this man has a very Dark and Twisted soul. And he hates community theatre singers. We're talking impossible harmonies. A lot of them.

I'm playing a Storyteller and the Snake (I know, I know, typecast as usual.) The issue I am facing is one of memory capacity. For the Snake, I'm singing second alto. The problem isn't the notes - I'm a mezzo-soprano, so the notes come easily. The problem is that I don't sight-read and - ta-da! the second alto line converges with the third top line in this song, rendering the notes impossible to discern when one is actually hearing and singing the thing. Which means that our five-part harmony is So. Not. Coming.Out.As.Anything.Resembling.Harmony. It actually kind of resembles the sound a garbage compactor makes, or maybe a car crash. And no matter how many times our musical director plays the parts as solos and we sound
oh-so brilliant singing them, whenever we get together it hurts. We have seven weeks to get this hashed out. Oomph.

Then, there's the little matter of the Storyteller part, in which I'm singing everything from alto to soprano dependent upon the song in question. I loooove the fact that I get to belt out, a la gospel, the opening lines of "Wasteland" - belting is my speciali-tay, as those of you who know me can attest; I have never had a problem getting loud and strong! I can rock a D belt. I am terribly, terribly concerned about - oh, the other TWELVE songs I have to sing as part of the storyteller group, mainly because I am not a true soprano, I am a mezzo soprano, and let me tell you, the high G is just a tad bit out of my reach four times out of five. But I'm singing the soprano line because- well, hell, we're community theatre, and I can hit everything up to an F fairly comfortably, when I'm not stuffed up with allergy congestion. (I've never had allergies until my 30s, go figure. The joys of living in
Virginia. Someone once told me that I would develop allergies at some point because everyone here does. I scoffed. I think I would have to sit down and eat Humble Pie with that person now, if I knew who and where s/he was...)

At any rate, the other problem, aside from my impersonating a cat having sex at midnight on those high G notes, is that here, too, even in the "simple chorus parts" Swartz has diverged the damned harmonies. Sometimes we have three lines and sometimes four lines. Sometimes I'm a soprano and sometimes I'm an alto. Sometimes I'm supposedly dancing while singing and trying to hit that G (which is just laughable. If I can't hit it standing still and focusing, what makes ANYONE think I can hit it while doing the softshoe?!?!) Not to mention the fact that most of the Storyteller songs switch back and forth from harmony to everyone singing the same line; in other words, Swartz wants us to jump from a middle C to a high F or G in one note. Clearly, the man was only writing for the Broadway-Bound singer, and not a lowly community player!

Of course, the score could be simplified; we could drop some of the harmonies. But no, nonononononono, we're keeping them. Rock on, my friends, rock on. No rest for the weary. We'll sing every individual note until we get them right! (Anyone want to come see this show in about FIVE YEARS when we get it right?) lol

But this sounds like complaining, and I'm not, honestly. I LOVE the music, and I'm thrilled to be in this show. I just kind of wish now that instead of getting that degree in interdisciplinary Medieval/Renaissance studies with a focus on French literature - I had, well, you know. Gone to Juilliard. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess.

Tra-la-lAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech! (Whoops, sorry. Gotta go practice.)